


Closet Siberia

by Viridian5



Category: due South
Genre: Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2000-04-05
Updated: 2000-04-05
Packaged: 2017-10-02 09:32:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,447
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4903
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Viridian5/pseuds/Viridian5
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ray's temporary exile from the squad room brings opportunities.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Closet Siberia

**Author's Note:**

> Partly inspired by a coworker being forced into exile on a deserted part of the floor due to the computer tech people screwing up his computer. They didn't return to fix it for two weeks. That was in February. Yeah, some of these stories take a long path from conception to finish.
> 
> Ray does his own version of Soft Cell's "Tainted Love." The real lyrics are a bit different. The funny thing is that hotbot's first listed source for the lyrics to "Tainted Love" was the Mulder/Krycek Romantics Association (MKRA) site's Soundtrack of Love section. What a surprise that would be for some non-slash someone getting the lyrics, then having the urge to wander around.
> 
> Thanks to Kasha for eyeglasses' component research and read-through. Thanks to Latonya for seeing the title already sitting inside the story.

"First I ran to you / I ran / Now I run from you / This tainted love you've given / I'd give you all a boy could give you / Take my tears and that's not really oh! / Tainted love / Ohhhh / Bum bum, tainted love..." Ray suddenly felt people staring at him. He looked up from the damned paperwork he'd been slaving over for hours to find himself encircled by the Duck Boys and Welsh. "Uh, hi. There a problem? I'm catching up on the forms like ya ordered me to." Ray took his glasses off and pinched the bridge of his nose. Hours and hours of catching up.... He'd never survive to see lunch. Or Fraser.

"You're singing," Welsh said.

"Am not."

"Oh yes, you are," Dewey said.

"You're singing under your breath and tapping your foot to 'Tainted Love,'" Huey said.

__

//Damn. Thought that was just in my head.// "So... am I any good?"

"Actually, you're on key and have a pleasant voice," Huey said.

"Your interpretation's a bit off, though. You're not making me feel the words," Dewey said.

"That's not the point," Welsh said. "The point is that you're a big neon distraction right now. We're here to work, not to listen to the song stylings of Detective Ray Vecchio. So I'm asking you to stop before you force us to take desperate measures."

"Thing is, I didn't know I started. It just happened. I could go back to filling out forms and start singing all over again without being aware of it." Ray tried not to smile and succeeded. "Maybe I should just put the paperwork aside. For the good of the precinct and all."

"Oh no. The paperwork must be done. I know exactly what we can do to fix things."

"A muzzle?" Dewey asked.

"Not today, but I'll keep that in mind. We're temporarily relocating you, Ray."

"Hey! This is discrimination!" Ray protested.

"No, this is saving your life. Start picking up your files. You don't want me to think about using a muzzle."

  


* * *

Ben smiled as he walked into the 27th precinct, eager to see his partner. He turned the corner to see an empty desk. Worse, it looked _clean_, its layers of paper gone. Understandably, he worried, wondering if his partner was well. If he looked for Ray around the station, then came back, would someone else walk up to him with a hug and claim to be Ray? Maybe a woman would profess to be Raymond Vecchio this time. It wouldn't be that much stranger than replacing Raymond Vecchio with a man who looked nothing like him.

Ben cleared his head of nonsense and did the practical thing. "Leftenant, have you seen Ray?" If the leftenant couldn't provide an answer, Ben could always set Diefenbaker to sniffing Ray out.

"Sure. He's in the closet."

"Excuse me?"

"You know the one."

"Sir?"

"The supply closet."

"Ah. Thank you, sir." As he left to find Ray, Ben decided he wouldn't even try to guess.

Soft song brushed Ben as soon as he opened the door. "Sometimes I feel I've got to," thump thump of Ray's booted foot against the wall, "get away / I've got to," thump thump, "run away / From the things you..." Ray mumbled nonsense for a while until he sang, "...any more from me…."

Ray made an endearing picture sitting under the hanging bare bulb with his feet propped up on the shelves. He had his book of Canadian impressionist art propped against his thighs as a makeshift desk. Intent, Ray frowned at something he wrote, nibbled on the end of his pen, and pushed his glasses up his nose.

Those glasses never failed to inspire a pang of lust in Ben, to his surprise and especially to Ray's. "You're kidding. All my life these glasses have repelled sexual thoughts, Ben," Ray would sometimes say. While Ben couldn't quite say they were a fetish of his, they certainly qualified as what Ray called a "kink." Thus, watching Ray toy with his glasses--especially as Ray nibbled on something, even an object as inappropriate as a pen, at the same time--tested Ben's self-control in ways he couldn't have imagined prior to becoming involved with Ray.

Ray looked up and smiled. "Must be lunchtime. You're an angel of mercy."

"How did you end up in here?"

"Welsh set me on catching up on my paperwork," Ray said, and Ben now noticed that a few boxes of files rested near his chair's legs.

"If you didn't keep putting it off, the paperwork would not be so onerous once it caught up with you. I find it much easier to fill out forms at the time they're needed. Besides, you're not supposed to let your paperwork lag this way."

Ray put the pen down and ruffled Diefenbaker's fur. "You're trying to use logic on me, and it won't work. I'm logic-proof."

"So I've seen. In any case, I fail to see why the leftenant ordered you to do this in the closet."

Ray sighed. "I was so deep in a paperwork coma that I was singing without realizing it. Welsh put me in here so everyone wouldn't have to hear. Good thing for them I'm not the type to sue. This is discrimination being exiled to closet Siberia like this, like being put in the dunce's corner or sent to my room. I shouldn't have to stand for it." Ray put book, papers, and pen on the floor. "But let's blow this joint. Lunchtime." Ray started to take off his glasses.

"You don't have to do that."

"Do what?"

"Remove your glasses."

Ray raised an eyebrow but left the glasses on. "Don't need 'em to eat. I can smell my food."

"Now you're just being difficult."

"Maybe. And, no, I don't wanna hear that I should wear 'em all the time anyway."

What Ben wanted to do was highly inappropriate, at least in the precinct. But they were both on their lunch breaks....

Ray gave him a significant look. "If ya want me to keep 'em on for... other reasons, you'll have to say so."

  


* * *

Ray grinned at the look Ben gave him. Focused and unfocused all at once. Pure lust fighting with that sense of duty and correctness. He had to help the right side win. Blocking the door with his chair wouldn't keep anyone out for long, but it would give them a warning and time to hide the evidence. That done, Ray briefly took off his glasses, smirking at the look of disappointment that crossed Ben's face, then hung them from his ears, letting them dangle under his jaw.

"Well?" Ray asked. The bottom of his jaw brushed the nosepads and bridge as he spoke. He heard Dief sigh; perhaps the half-wolf was starting to get the idea that food might not be coming soon after all. Smart dog.

Ben's eyes seemed to darken. "You're cruel, Ray."

Ray stroked a single finger down the glasses' left arm. "I prefer 'stern but fair.'"

Ray never saw Ben move. One minute he stood there torturing his lover, the next he was pushed against the wall with an amorous Mountie plastered to him and nibbling at his ear.

Lunch was served.

 

### End

 

**NOTE:** I so loved the way Ray had his glasses dangling under his jaw in "Eclipse" that I had to do it here.

 

The real lyrics version of  
"Tainted Love" by Soft Cell

_Sometimes I feel I've got to run away_   
_I've got to get away_   
_From the pain you drive into the heart of me_   
_The love we share_   
_Seems to go nowhere_   
_And I've lost my light_   
_For I toss and turn_   
_I can't sleep at night_

_Once I ran to you_   
_Now I run from you_   
_This tainted love you've given_   
_I give you all a boy could give you_   
_Take my tears and that's not living_

_Oh, tainted love_   
_Oh, oh, tainted love_

_Now I know I've got to run away_   
_I've got to get away_   
_You don't really want any more from me_   
_To make things right_   
_You need someone to hold you tight_   
_And you think love is to prey_   
_But I'm sorry I don't prey that way_

_Once I ran to you_   
_Now I run from you_   
_This tainted love you've given_   
_I give you all a boy could give you_   
_Take my tears and that's not living_

_Oh, tainted love_   
_Oh, oh, tainted love_

_Don't touch me please_   
_I cannot stand the way you tease_   
_I love you though you hurt me so_   
_Now I'm gonna pack my things and go_

_Tainted love, tainted love...._   
_Touch me, baby, tainted love...._   
_Tainted love, tainted love...._


End file.
